Listen: My brother’s first letter from prison

I submitted a personal essay to a podcast about a time in my life when I couldn't face the reality of my brother's imprisonment. I call it "the early days."

‘Tis the season for podcasts. I just realized my last newsletter was about being a guest on a podcast, but today’s is slightly different. The podcast isn’t an interview style, but a personal essay I wrote about my brother. I hope you'll listen.

Five years ago, my brother was sentenced to 19 years in prison.

Following his verdict from the trial, I was a mess. I was flooded with emotions—sometimes I felt like he was dead, and other times, I felt completely normal. Out of nowhere, I would feel panic and worry about his life on the inside and if he was in danger. 

I thought about what kind of a person he would become and how being institutionalized for that long would take a mental toll on him. I also anticipated the hardships he would endure after his release—how hard would it be to find a job and get his life back together?

So, over the last year and a half, I wrote about about how guilty I felt and how I failed as an older sister. I wrote about how my heart broke for him. I wrote about how angry I was, at his stupidity and the dumb choices he made in his life. I wrote about my parents and how they tried their best. 

And slowly, I started to release the guilt and anger and sadness. I began to feel better.

My personal essay

I wrote a personal essay for Writing Class Radio’s podcast. The essay was about my brother’s first letter to me from prison. I couldn’t open it because I felt so lost. I wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to grieve, let alone open a letter that would surely tell me he was doing terribly and suffering.

(In case you’re interested, I wrote about the process of editing my essay for this podcast and how I started to see the edits as love.)

I hope you’ll listen.

About Writing Class Radio’s podcast

In case you’re not familiar, Writing Class Radio’s podcast shares personal essays written by writers, authors, moms, professionals… anyone who has a story. The essays are read by the authors and then discussed by the hosts Allison Langer and

Andrea Askowitz

, who are also my writing teachers.

It’s crazy to think that just a year and a half ago, I was binging every single episode to learn more about the art of personal essay writing. From the very first episode, I immediately liked the hosts and thought they were so sharp and witty. 

This year, the podcast sailed past 1 million downloads. A million. 🤯

I’m honored and so incredibly grateful to share my story and have two amazing teachers that supported me the whole way through. 🙏